he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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