i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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