this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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