You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
