so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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