just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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