...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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