he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
