hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
