whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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