Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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