Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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