What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
