um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
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The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
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I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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