Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
