her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
