I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
