I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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