Say something about gay babies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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