well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
