I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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