were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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