Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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