Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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