Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
