I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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