so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
