So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
