I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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