just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
His nipple licking is glorious
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