Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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