Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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