I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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