I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
