Your dad touched me again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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