I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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