my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
