put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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