so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
