Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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