to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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