It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize