some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
