Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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