this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
