What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
