Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
