hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
