We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
