i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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