I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
