there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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