10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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