talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
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To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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