I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
