Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
