he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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