Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
