so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
wow bdsm is so cute
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
