So drunk its hurt
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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