He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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