you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
