apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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