I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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