I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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