I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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