the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
