Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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