I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize