I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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