I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
