I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
