My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
