i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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