I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
