You work out of a Hotel?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
