I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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