sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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