i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
