you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
