It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
